Hearing With Humor
By Carlos Monserrate
My parents and my older brother came from Puerto Rico after transferring to Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, where I was born in May 1950. My father was a career U.S. Army soldier for 25 years, starting as a military police officer and retiring as a captain.
My birth was very difficult as my father’s blood was RH positive and my mother’s blood was RH negative. My blood was RH positive and my mother’s body sent antibodies to attack my blood. By the time I was born, I was as yellow as yellow can be due to jaundice where bilirubin levels were too high.
To save my life the doctors had to find anybody with RH positive blood for an immediate transfusion. They found a member of the Women’s Army Corps. I like to joke that the body of one woman nearly killed me but the body of another saved me.
By age 4, I was not talking properly. When I got thirsty, instead of saying “agua” for water I would say “awa.” Some doctors thought that I was developmentally disabled. My parents disagreed because I was able to tie my shoes and brush my teeth. Fortunately, they found a doctor who told them that I have a profound hearing loss.
On eagle’s wings. Credit: @interniweeni/Unsplash
As a child when I wore a hearing aid box strapped to me inside my shirt, a curious boy asked, “What is that thing?” Being a little mischievous, I said it’s a radio and I was snapping my fingers and rocking my head. He was stunned. When I pulled the white strap from underneath my shirt and said it was a bra, that also got quite a reaction!
I wanted to be fluent in American Sign Language, so I attended Gallaudet College. I will never forget seeing students signing to friends in the sky-high dormitory windows from the campus grounds.
I also rely very heavily on speech reading. One time my wife said something in the living room that was so hard to understand. She kept repeating the word and all I got was a lot of her teeth! I finally got her to explain that the word I missed was “Indian.” Now go to the mirror and see if you can read that word!
One day she was loading the dishwasher and asked me a question with her head down. After she got up, I opened the dishwasher, stuck my head inside, and said, “I did not understand a thing you said!” That got a huge laugh.
And this is the corker: My wife and I attended a religious service where the song was “On Eagle’s Wings.” Unfortunately, the interpreter was a very young beginner and signed “on chicken wings.” Can you imagine how hard it was for us not to laugh out loud right there?
Well, I’m in my 70s and we have just moved to a retirement living community. When I was young, I thought I was so special because I was always the only one in school using a hearing aid. Now in my retirement community, just about everyone wears hearing aids. I guess I’m not so special anymore!
Carlos Monserrate lives in Florida. This appears in the Spring 2024 issue of Hearing Health magazine.